The first step is admitting you're addicted
Hi. I'm Josh. Im a recovering Uptown-oholic. I use to get apps at Figilo, move onto some cheap wine and service for that matter at Zeno's and then fall all over myself trying to be seen at Bar Abilene. The morning i woke up with a migraine, pants at my ankles and a broken Shins cd in hand, i decided to seek help for my addiction.
On doctors advice, i went cold turkey on the juice. Gone were the days of strolling by the Lagoon saying to myself, "Hey Russians make movies" or past the Uptown thinking "I thought they had a midnight showing of 2 Fast 2 Furious?" Walking out of Tatters with my fake retro Devo shirt that had it been official Devo merchandise, would have spontaneously combusted upon altering the delicate balance of wavelengths in the shirt and scaring myself I lit up The Strokes latest 5 months too late. Or falsely proclaiming "i love sushi", but claiming I ate my portion and more last night and couldn't join you tonight even though i would never eat that shit.
So far it has been good. Occasionally I hit up Jitters in Nordeast, but i can't stay long because well...it makes kind of queasy. I make my way down Central trying to connect to my German heritage at the Gasthof, but as for most polka loathing people, i puked in my mouth a bit. It doesn't taste good....
Recently i heard they were gonna play hockey again here. For some reason, with St. Paul being just that much further away, it has never appealed to me to drive there. But with that certain sea sickness I have for MPLS, maybe its time to jump ship.
:Afterword:
Later after taunting local St Paul restaurant proprietors, the city banishes him to Coon Rapids. During transport, he commits suicide just off highway 10 in Mounds View. Ironically it doesn't spare him any embarrassment.
On doctors advice, i went cold turkey on the juice. Gone were the days of strolling by the Lagoon saying to myself, "Hey Russians make movies" or past the Uptown thinking "I thought they had a midnight showing of 2 Fast 2 Furious?" Walking out of Tatters with my fake retro Devo shirt that had it been official Devo merchandise, would have spontaneously combusted upon altering the delicate balance of wavelengths in the shirt and scaring myself I lit up The Strokes latest 5 months too late. Or falsely proclaiming "i love sushi", but claiming I ate my portion and more last night and couldn't join you tonight even though i would never eat that shit.
So far it has been good. Occasionally I hit up Jitters in Nordeast, but i can't stay long because well...it makes kind of queasy. I make my way down Central trying to connect to my German heritage at the Gasthof, but as for most polka loathing people, i puked in my mouth a bit. It doesn't taste good....
Recently i heard they were gonna play hockey again here. For some reason, with St. Paul being just that much further away, it has never appealed to me to drive there. But with that certain sea sickness I have for MPLS, maybe its time to jump ship.
:Afterword:
Later after taunting local St Paul restaurant proprietors, the city banishes him to Coon Rapids. During transport, he commits suicide just off highway 10 in Mounds View. Ironically it doesn't spare him any embarrassment.
posted by Oh Typography at 11:00 PM
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